5 Tips for Surviving Co-Parenting during the Holidays
In a dream world, the holiday season is a time for peace and relaxation while celebrating traditions and togetherness. In reality, couples whether together or divorced can attest to the fact that the holidays can be stressful, and chaotic-- especially during or after a major family change like a separation or a divorce. Effective co-parenting can be difficult and challenging any time of the year, but especially during the holidays when you want quality time with your children.
During this season, the first priority should be your children and keeping things calm and stress-free for them. If you’re dreading co-parenting with your ex this holiday season, you aren’t alone, here are 5 tips for surviving the holidays:
Make a plan: If you’ve made it through a divorce, then the worst has passed and a co-parenting plan has probably already been established for child custody. However if you’re still in the middle of a divorce, contact your attorney to help define a holiday schedule to make things easier. It’s never too early to start planning your holiday schedule, the more specific your plan is, the better. Once your plan is established make sure that your child(ren) understand where they will be spending the holiday and with which parent. Helping them understand that they will still hear from you or your ex on the holiday may be comforting to them.
Be flexible: Successful co-parenting requires an abundance of compromise and accommodations, as frustrating as that might be. Even though being lenient with your ex may be difficult, compromising about little things can be beneficial for the child(ren) as well as less stressful for them. The best start to compromise is a conversation, by having a candid conversation with your ex about the upcoming holidays can help set the stage for where you are in your co-parenting, and gauge what the holidays will look like for your new situation.
Don’t bash each other: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. Regardless of what you think of your spouse or vise versa, it doesn’t matter unless its affecting your child’s health or well-being. The holiday season is a time to focus on your child and set aside your differences. For any child, hearing parents speaking badly about the other is very unhealthy for both their mental and emotional state. This is for any time of the year, but especially around the holidays.
Agree about presents: Keepin’ up with the Joneses is one of the worst things about the holiday season. Don’t compete with your ex about presents and trying to “buy” love from your child. Coordinating or agreeing to gifts helps both parents financially and shows the other respect. By agreeing to presents, this ensures that neither parent will go overboard with gift-giving and ultimately both parents can avoid the need to overcompensate.
Make new traditions: This is the perfect opportunity to start new traditions, and embrace the season. Trying to recreate old traditions can be difficult so why not just start a new tradition? Ask your children what they’d like to do. Kids will remember simple traditions if you keep them consistent and fun.
Holidays can be stressful for anyone, especially newly separated or divorced parents. If you feel that your ex is not adhering to the co-parenting plan or visitation schedule, co-parenting can be extremely difficult. Contact a family attorney to discuss your options. And if you ever need any help with child custody, modifying child custody orders or divorce advice, we are here to help!